The Harmonist [Sajjana Tosani] Vol. XXXII
No. 5 : Relation between the Sexes
By HDG Bhakti Siddhanta Sarasvati Thakur Prabhupada

Varnāśrama

The Gaudiya Math is urging all persons irrespective of caste, creed, age, sex or race to accept the regulations of the social arrangement based upon varna and ashrama for the reason that it is helpful for the realisation of the eternal function of our souls. The varnashrama society is an organisation for the joint performance of the worship of Hari by the method of archana. The regulations laid down in the shastra for the due performance of archana provide the varnashrama society with its code of social procedure. Archana may be defined as the ritualistic worship of the Emblematic form of the Divinity.

Society as the Household of God

The society is the Household of God. Godhead is the only Master. He is made offerings of food, clothing, all necessaries and luxuries except intoxicants and meat or fish, and every form of service. Wealth is earned for meeting the expenses of His Household.

All persons are servants in the Household of Godhead. Everyone accepts with thankfulness whatever is provided by the Lord through His beloved ones for his maintenance.

Everyone feeds on the leavings of the dishes of the Lord’s beloved servants. No one owns any property of his own. Everything is the Lord’s property as everyone is His bondman whom He may let live or not, and who has to do no other work except His bidding. This is the duty of every person, man as well as woman, in the varnashrama society.

The Principle of Universal Servitorship

The cardinal principle of the varna-shrama association is this that no one may be the owner of any property or the service of another. Everyone is only a servant whose activities are ever in the service of God. Similarly the sole object of everyone’s service is the only Master, the only Friend, the only Son and the only Consort—Krishna.

Marriage Philosophy

Marrying and giving in marriage do not give rise to any rights of a master either to the husband or to the wife. Man and woman are joined in wedlock for the purpose of serving each other in the performance of the joint service of Krishna.

The Spiritual Purpose of Marriage

The wife is not an object of enjoyment of the husband, nor vice versa. They do not marry for gratifying their sexual appetites. They marry for pleasing the Lord, not for pleasing themselves.

They choose for their partners only such persons who serve God better than themselves. They offer themselves to be accepted by their partners for the favour of being allowed to share in their superior service of Hari.

Couples’ Service Policy

Neither the husband nor the wife is to claim the services of his or her partner on their own account. Both of them are only to offer their services if and when their partner is pleased to permit them to share their service of Hari. None of them can force their services on their partners.

Household Discipline and Mutual Service

This system of household discipline has its root in the joint worship of the household Deity by all members of the household. All the members are to exert themselves in all possible ways for serving the pleasure of their common and only Master.

Thus both man and woman, children and old persons, vie with one another in offering their services. No one demands any service from another on his own account. No one may demand the service of another for the Lord. Everyone is to offer his or her unreserved services for the gracious acceptance by any and every servant of the Lord.

Marriage as a Call to Service

Those who are not asked in marriage by a servant of the Lord have, therefore, no occasion for marriage. One who is asked in marriage by another member of the society may not refuse the requisition for his or her service. Everyone has to wait for being called to serve.

The Role of the Guru

The highest order of devotees are pleased to requisition the services of their disciples. When the Guru requisitions the service of any of the disciples, the latter has the opportunity of actually rendering his services.

The Guru and the Regulation of Marriage

The whole system thus receives its initial impulse from the Guru. No one will ask another in marriage except by instructions of the Guru. It does not serve the spiritual purpose at all if one takes the initiative and asks the Guru for permission for proposing marriage to a party whom he wishes to ask in marriage. This procedure is tantamount to tasking the Guru to serve oneself.

Residence in the Matha and Separation of the Sexes

This is also the reason why the Gaudiya Math does not permit any woman to reside under its roof as an inmate of the Math. It would be hardly safe to ask any man or woman to offer his or her unconditional services to the other except by sanctioning their marriage.

Women’s Maths and Practical Difficulties

The great difficulty will be that, in all Maths, the majority of the inmates will be neophytes. These neophytes are susceptible of back-sliding at any moment.

Public Opinion and Discipline

If a very large number of women enter the Maths as novices it will be difficult to control them properly. Public opinion in no country will tolerate the imposition of the requisite discipline of women and the back-sliding of a single member of such institutions will be magnified by most worldly people.

— HDG Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Sarasvati Thakur Prabhupada